Holiday Dresses: Look Better Than Your Entire Family

Holiday Dresses by elbonner featuring french connection

The holidays are upon us in the Western world and for the good ole' US of A, Thanksgiving is next Thursday. The next few weeks will probably see a lot of mandatory office holiday parties, seeing all those relatives you choose not to see for the rest of the year, and drinking yourself into lots of embarrassing holiday stories to be told until everyone who witnessed it is dead. Even if you accidentally make out with an intern, with these dresses no one can fault you for looking bad doing it. Holiday time is a time to go all out with sparkles, embroidery,  and jewel tones so I have collected a bunch of holiday dresses that will look good on lots of different people.

1. Dolce & Gabbana- go baroque in this awesome velvet embroidered dress and make everyone feel poor!
2. Candy Apple Dress from Modcloth- it's retro, it's red, it has a bow, it just screams Christmas dress.
3. Warehouse Lace Bodice Dress- Swingy and sophisticated; the full skirt helps hide your extra butt circumference from all those midnight gingerbread cookie raids.
4. Coast Emmy Crepe Dress- great color and great for a fancy holiday party. The pleating at the waist helps hide any lumps and bumps from too many peppermint lattes.
5. French Connection Fast Iris Dress- stretch lace always looks nice. It's a little edgy with the black lining underneath and is a little praise Satan and hail the birth of Christ.
6. Tory Birch Kathy Dress- This shift dress has a tie-waist to give it more shape, but can be let out in the event of too much ham.

Sweater Dresses That Aren't a Huge Waste of Time

Sweater Dresses by elbonner featuring sweater dresses

When I think of sweater dresses, all I can think of are stretched out butts and elbows. After doing more than just standing still for 8 hours some can give you the dreaded "sag-ass" look and nobody likes that, NOBODY. Luckily, with the help of modern science (hello spandex) and fine gauge knits, sweater dresses are WAY better than they were before, so billowing  buts about it. The finer the knit the more flowing the material will be, making sweater dresses more than just a long-ass tight sweater and actually looking like a dress. Above are some I have compiled that can be worn in all different types of occassions and flatter lots of different body shapes. So, don't brush off sweater dreses this season. Throw on some leggings/tights, tall boots and a scarf and show the world that sweater induced butt-droop is a thing of the past!

L-R
Karen Millen 
Gig Brasil 
Vionnet 
French Connection 
Alexander McQueen
Joseph

My Hair Idol: Brigitte Bardot

For the past decade I have been calling the woman above my ultimate hair idol. Brigitte Bardot's hair is everything I want mine to be: big, super blonde, messy, long, and super voluminous. I've got the blonde part down, but having thin hair makes achieving her signature look difficult without the help of many hairsprays and root lifters. Luckily, I have found something that really gets my hair close to Bardot status and that's Bumble and Bumbles Surf Spray. I know I've talked about it before in my hair care post,but for real this stuff is awesome. It's gotten to the point where I would spend my money on this instead or eat or get my oil changed. You're more likely to get help at the side of the road when you car breaks down when you have amazing hair. I've spent years trying to perfect her look and have come close on occasions, but I have discovered that the less I try to make it look like hers, the closer I get. I usually have hair like when waking up after a long night of dancing where I'm slightly nauseous and face down in my own drool. It's mornings like these where I don't want to see a soul where I have the greatest hair of all time. One day I'll venture forth after a wild night all big, messy-haired and fabulous, just don't expect me to take off my sunglasses all day.

My Hair Idol: Brigitte Bardot by elbonner on Polyvore

I Want Your Life: Ulyana Sergeenko

Ulyana Sergeenko by elbonner on Polyvore

Not only does this woman have a beautiful collection of dresses, skirts, and coats, she's got banging personal style that is reflected in her designs. I am convinced that Catherine Devenue's character in Doctor Zhivago was based off of Ulyana Sergeenko because her style is very tzarist Russia. She designs lots of long, full dresses and skirts and uses a lot of floral prints. It's like what classy Russian serfs would have worn if they weren't dirt poor and starving. And though I am totally not into wearing any sort of fur, she makes a lot of beautiful long fur coats and dresses that would be great if only they were faux. She always has on red lipstick and makes everyone else look over done yet under-dressed. She is just elegant and totally unique and I want all of her clothes.

A Desperate Plea to Isabel Marant: Please Adopt Me.

Isabel Marant by elbonner featuring super skinny jeans

I want everything from Isabel Marant's collections. Whenever I come across something new from her I face-palm
 and say "Damnit Emily, why are you poor?!". This is pretty much what every cool Parisian is seen wearing and I like it because it's mostly simple pieces, but they just ooze originality and cool. Those burgundy boots just look like something Blanche Devereaux would have worn out on a hot date with a retired Navy admiral. I love that her pieces have taken on this feminine western gypsy vibe, it's great for fall and great for every situation ever, no questions. Well, that's about it for now. I have to go back to rethinking my life choices and how low I'll stoop to get those embroidered jeans. Lie back and think of Isabel Marant! (joking...)

You Need One: Wool Coats

Wool Coats by elbonner featuring a double breasted coat

Everyone on the face of the earth (unless you live in the tropics) needs a wool coat. It doesn't need to cost an arm and a leg and they always make you look really smart and put together. Even the white biker jacket-styled coat would look great in an office setting. The color and length quell any suspicions of office biker gang activity, but still make you look really cool. I also like the big menswear style coats that are big and comfortable, but no so big that it looks like a kid in their older brothers hand-me-down. Wool coats come in every color of the rainbow and can make a statement when your outfit underneath is lacking a bit (it happens to everyone!). Military style coats are great if you can handle all of the buttons, and with toggle coats you can screw buttons all together! This amalgamation of coats above represent all that is good in the world of wool coats and there are so many yet to be discovered. H&M, Zara, J. Crew, and Modcloth are all great places to find beautiful wool coats that will make everyone hate you for looking so good. Don't wait for all of the good ones to get snatched up. Coats on, people!!

People I Would Have Stalked In A Past Life: Francoise Hardy

Francoise Hardy by elbonner featuring nars cosmetics

Staying with the whole French thing, I disclose one of my most treasured style icons. Francoise Hardy is pretty much the coolest person ever; I love her music and her style and she just exudes cool. I strive to look as fabulous is t-shirts and jeans as she did, but I continue to fail! Francoise whole appeal was effortlessly chic, something the French do very well. There's something about spending your days eating great food, looking cool, and having no expectations of being nice to people that appeals to me. And how they do that with all that cheese and wine I have no idea. Most cheese and wine encounters I have usually end up somewhere on or around the toilet, so maybe that's why they're all so thin. That's it, I've solved the mystery! You really can't go wrong with a loose blouse, jeans, leather jacket, and ankle boots. It always looks good, and since most of these items are really in this season you can find them allover the place at reasonable prices. Finish off your look with a liquid liner cat-eye and you're good to go. Just don't be like me and mess up a thousand times with practically immovable black liquid liner residue, smudged all over my face resulting in everyone asking you later that night if I've been domestically abused.

I Want To Go Somewhere: Paris Edition

Fall In Paris by elbonner featuring alexander mcqueen

I didn't take eight years of high school and university level French so that I could tell people what color shirt their wearing and how to get to the bank. I took it so that one day I could run away to Paris, eat macarons, buy fancy shoes, and get wasted in one of those underground nightclubs that looks like a wine cellar/rape dungeon. The travel bug has crawled into my ear and laid eggs in my brain, like millions of them, and I'm about to explode with a sudden need for a far away vacation. I want to wear this outfit, in Paris, drinking cafe au lait at some place where people who think they are writers go. I already have a pretty well developed bitch face so I think I might fit in well in Paris. This is the first time in my life I've had the option of taking a winter/fall vacation that wouldn't make me fail some sort of class and I really want to take advantage of it! I don't think I'll end up going any time soon, but I can still pretend by wearing an outfit like this in the international section at the grocery store! Until next time, a bientôt!

Dolce & Gabbana Fall/Winter 2013

Dolce & Gabbana Fall/Winter 2012 by elbonner on Polyvore

I'm really digging the Sicilian grandma look that Dolce & Gabbana have come out with for Fall/Winter. Everything is so incredibly detailed and beautiful. I want that effing cape and coat! They couldn't have picked anyone better than Monica Bellucci to be the face of this campaign; she's a super hot, fabulous Italian lady who I'm sure doesn't shy away from carbs! Whenever I see their adverts in magazines it just makes me happy and I immediately start craving lasagna. I usually go for pretty simple outfits without a lot of embellishments, but every once in a while I see a crazy beautiful collection like this and I want to drape myself in gold embroidery, black lace, and flowered headbands. A big thumbs up to Dolce & Gabbana for this collection, I'll be expecting that cape under my Christmas tree! Until next time, arrivederci!

Wedding Outfit Choice #1: If You Wanted To Be "The Nice Girl"

Wedding Outfit by elbonner featuring suede pumps

I've got a wedding to go to in January, and even though it feels like it's a lifetime away I'm trying to think of what I want to wear to it. I've been trying to figure out what my mood will be come January, whether I'll be hopeful for spring, or totally bitchingly sick of wintertime. This is my nice girl wedding guest look, complete with sensible heels and a dress with flowers all over it. I like this one from Modcloth.com because it's not your typical floral print, it's like a pastoral painting turned party dress. This outfit is cute, but not so cute that you won't be ID'd at the open bar (which they better be having).