No one can argue with me that the end of the summer isn't terrible. It's the end of carefree warmth, the end of vacation season, the end of pleasant beach visits, and all the freshness that comes with summer. This is also the time of year that other things in my life decide to leave. This is the time both of my cats had to be put to sleep, when my American grandmother passed away, and now my English grandmother has passed away, and I find myself having to make an emergency trip to England for the funeral.
It's a very odd feeling. The whole situation is so sudden and is such a mixed bag. As bad as it sounds, I am excited to see my family as I didn't get to visit them this summer, but it's not like I'm going on vacation. There's no adventure to plan; it's business. I'm sure we'll find something fun to do to keep our minds occupied, but it's not like going for the biannual family trip. It's a mix between really wanting to see everyone and not wanting to face the actual situation.
Being a grandparent orphan sucks. It makes you realize that generation is slowly slipping away and makes you think about what will inevitably happen with the next. It's not something I like to think about, but I find my mind racing at night when I'm trying to sleep, wrapped up in thoughts of what I'll do when the time comes when I have to say goodbye to more and more people.
One of my elderly patients once told me, after the arduous task of getting out of a low-sitting chair, that "Getting old is shit". I can understand that when things start to hurt and all your friends are dead, but my grandma lived to be 93. Ninety three! She lived through two monarchs, the Blitz, multiple moon landings, and all those other major events that we tend to take for granted. It still sucks though, no matter how old the person is you lose. All I can hope for is that even though I was far away that she knew I loved her and made her proud. It was hard being away from my family as a kid and always felt like a bit of an outsider; wishing I could have been included in the fun they got to have together. I'm lucky to have gotten to see her as much as I did and thank my lucky stars I got to spend time in her little garden playing in the bird bath, eating chocolate biscuits, and sleeping in the tiny bedroom in her house. Never a birthday forgotten and plenty of kitten t-shirts to remind me that I was special to her.
Sorry if this has been such a downer post for the first one I've done in a while, but I just haven't had it in me to write anything. Like I said, this time of year sucks, but it's here, I'm still kicking, and I'm lucky to have people around that love me. Have a good week, everyone!