Wednesday, October 24, 2012

My "It's Never Gonna Happen" Christmas List!

"It's Never Gonna Happen" Christmas Wishlist

"It's Never Gonna Happen" Christmas Wishlist by elbonner featuring studded boots

Like an unwanted display in Walgreens right after the 4th of July, I am debuting my incredibly unrealistic Christmas wishlist at the appropriate time of "it's not even Halloween yet, Emily!". This way if a sad billionaire sees it and take pity on me it might be my most successful Christmas haul since the last time my parents thought I deserved Christmas presents! Now, this is in no way supposed to make anyone feel poor or beneath me because I there is now way in hell I can afford these things, I just like them enough to want them in my closet without goings as far as brushing my teeth on paid webcams for weirdos.

Ance- Pistol Boots $570. You knew they'd be on here, and since Target has failed me in providing $30 replicas, they are still on my list.

LnA-Ipanema V-Neck $105. $100+ for a white t-shirt? Sure, if it spits money and does my taxes.

Comme Des Garcons- Plaid Scarf $515. Because it's not Christmas until you have a scarf that costs as much as half a years worth of health insurance.

Acne- Singer Knit Sweater $260. It's big, it's grey, its brand name reminds me of horribly blemished middle school pictures! 

Chanel- Perfection Lumiere Foundation $55. For that amount of money I could just get a black-market face lift and sketchy laser peel, i.e. being blinded with a laser pointer behind a Big Lots and then harvested for kidneys. 

3.1 Phillip Lim Pashli Satchel $895. In my defense, this is probably the cheapest bag I've ever really coveted. Hey, it could be a $64,000 Hermes! PS- It matches the SCARF people!

Ash-Titan Short Stud Biker Boots $491. Since I've recently started watching Sons of Anarchy, it's only appropriate to start dressing aggressively so no one can see the pain I feel knowing I'll never be cool enough to be in a biker gang. Bikers don't exfoliate, they don't like 60s French ye-ye pop, and above all they DO NOT cry during that part in Wall-E where he doesn't recognize Eve (soulless monsters!)

And last, but not least, if there art out a God up in heaven, smiling down upon his greatest creation. May he bestow upon her a 2013 Audi A5 in monsoon metallic grey with velvet beige leather interior. For I have no traffic infractions as of yet and would look really cool within it. 

Merry Not-That-Close-To-Christmas everyone!

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