Sweater Dresses That Aren't a Huge Waste of Time

Sweater Dresses by elbonner featuring sweater dresses

When I think of sweater dresses, all I can think of are stretched out butts and elbows. After doing more than just standing still for 8 hours some can give you the dreaded "sag-ass" look and nobody likes that, NOBODY. Luckily, with the help of modern science (hello spandex) and fine gauge knits, sweater dresses are WAY better than they were before, so billowing  buts about it. The finer the knit the more flowing the material will be, making sweater dresses more than just a long-ass tight sweater and actually looking like a dress. Above are some I have compiled that can be worn in all different types of occassions and flatter lots of different body shapes. So, don't brush off sweater dreses this season. Throw on some leggings/tights, tall boots and a scarf and show the world that sweater induced butt-droop is a thing of the past!

L-R
Karen Millen 
Gig Brasil 
Vionnet 
French Connection 
Alexander McQueen
Joseph

I Want To Go Somewhere: Paris Edition

Fall In Paris by elbonner featuring alexander mcqueen

I didn't take eight years of high school and university level French so that I could tell people what color shirt their wearing and how to get to the bank. I took it so that one day I could run away to Paris, eat macarons, buy fancy shoes, and get wasted in one of those underground nightclubs that looks like a wine cellar/rape dungeon. The travel bug has crawled into my ear and laid eggs in my brain, like millions of them, and I'm about to explode with a sudden need for a far away vacation. I want to wear this outfit, in Paris, drinking cafe au lait at some place where people who think they are writers go. I already have a pretty well developed bitch face so I think I might fit in well in Paris. This is the first time in my life I've had the option of taking a winter/fall vacation that wouldn't make me fail some sort of class and I really want to take advantage of it! I don't think I'll end up going any time soon, but I can still pretend by wearing an outfit like this in the international section at the grocery store! Until next time, a bientôt!

Wedding Outfit #2: What To Wear If You Want to Look Like a Bitch

Wedding Outfit #2 by elbonner featuring yves saint laurent

Sometimes you just want to look better than everyone else. It's a fact of nature. While everyone else bought their dresses at TJ Maxx a week ago, you want to walk in looking like you eat those $1000 ice cream sundaes on a daily basis after going to Pilates with your other bitch friends. Being a bitch is not always a bad thing; you know what you want, you're ambitious, your shoes are going to hurt when you kick that valet driver for farting your car upon pick-up, it makes people fear and envy you. In an outfit like this you can transform yourself from a shy pushover to top dog in a matter of minutes. Top this look off with some big, but not too big, well coiffed hair and a fancy rare perfume and who knows, some eccentric millionaire might buy you an Audi!