Holiday Dresses: Look Better Than Your Entire Family

Holiday Dresses by elbonner featuring french connection

The holidays are upon us in the Western world and for the good ole' US of A, Thanksgiving is next Thursday. The next few weeks will probably see a lot of mandatory office holiday parties, seeing all those relatives you choose not to see for the rest of the year, and drinking yourself into lots of embarrassing holiday stories to be told until everyone who witnessed it is dead. Even if you accidentally make out with an intern, with these dresses no one can fault you for looking bad doing it. Holiday time is a time to go all out with sparkles, embroidery,  and jewel tones so I have collected a bunch of holiday dresses that will look good on lots of different people.

1. Dolce & Gabbana- go baroque in this awesome velvet embroidered dress and make everyone feel poor!
2. Candy Apple Dress from Modcloth- it's retro, it's red, it has a bow, it just screams Christmas dress.
3. Warehouse Lace Bodice Dress- Swingy and sophisticated; the full skirt helps hide your extra butt circumference from all those midnight gingerbread cookie raids.
4. Coast Emmy Crepe Dress- great color and great for a fancy holiday party. The pleating at the waist helps hide any lumps and bumps from too many peppermint lattes.
5. French Connection Fast Iris Dress- stretch lace always looks nice. It's a little edgy with the black lining underneath and is a little praise Satan and hail the birth of Christ.
6. Tory Birch Kathy Dress- This shift dress has a tie-waist to give it more shape, but can be let out in the event of too much ham.

Sweater Dresses That Aren't a Huge Waste of Time

Sweater Dresses by elbonner featuring sweater dresses

When I think of sweater dresses, all I can think of are stretched out butts and elbows. After doing more than just standing still for 8 hours some can give you the dreaded "sag-ass" look and nobody likes that, NOBODY. Luckily, with the help of modern science (hello spandex) and fine gauge knits, sweater dresses are WAY better than they were before, so billowing  buts about it. The finer the knit the more flowing the material will be, making sweater dresses more than just a long-ass tight sweater and actually looking like a dress. Above are some I have compiled that can be worn in all different types of occassions and flatter lots of different body shapes. So, don't brush off sweater dreses this season. Throw on some leggings/tights, tall boots and a scarf and show the world that sweater induced butt-droop is a thing of the past!

L-R
Karen Millen 
Gig Brasil 
Vionnet 
French Connection 
Alexander McQueen
Joseph

I Want To Go Somewhere: Paris Edition

Fall In Paris by elbonner featuring alexander mcqueen

I didn't take eight years of high school and university level French so that I could tell people what color shirt their wearing and how to get to the bank. I took it so that one day I could run away to Paris, eat macarons, buy fancy shoes, and get wasted in one of those underground nightclubs that looks like a wine cellar/rape dungeon. The travel bug has crawled into my ear and laid eggs in my brain, like millions of them, and I'm about to explode with a sudden need for a far away vacation. I want to wear this outfit, in Paris, drinking cafe au lait at some place where people who think they are writers go. I already have a pretty well developed bitch face so I think I might fit in well in Paris. This is the first time in my life I've had the option of taking a winter/fall vacation that wouldn't make me fail some sort of class and I really want to take advantage of it! I don't think I'll end up going any time soon, but I can still pretend by wearing an outfit like this in the international section at the grocery store! Until next time, a bientôt!